Contents:

Foreword by Howard W. Stone
Acknowledgements

1. Introduction: When Bad Things Happen in Good Churches
A Sunday Morning in Two Churches
What This Book Is About
Who This Book Is For
The Theoretical Basis of the Book

2. The Congregation: More Than Meets the Eye
A New Way to Think about Human Beings and Relationships
No One Is an Island
Systems within Systems
In the Emotional System, Relationships Are not What They Seem
Imagination and Fact: Learning to Observe the Emotional System

3. What Unbalances the System?
What Is Anxiety?
How Anxiety Develops in Humans
Anxiety and the Self
Anxiety and Relationships
Calm Leadership in the Midst of Anxiety

4. Being One among Many
Unity and Differences in the Church
The Life Forces for Togetherness and Individuality
The Life Forces and the Bible
The Life Forces in the Church

5. Closeness, Distances, and the Congregation
The Close/Distant Dynamic
Abandonment and Engulfment
Pursuers and Distancers
Closeness/Distance and the Bible
Closeness/Distance and Church Leadership

6. Foolishness and Wisdom in Church Leadership
The Basic Ingredients of Foolishness and Wisdom: Fusion and Differentiation
Fusion and Foolishness
Differentiation and Wisdom
Differentiation and the Congregation

7. Reactivity Is More than Reacting
Anxiety and the Reactive Process in the Congregation
Patterns of Reactivity

8. The Four Functional Styles of Congregational Life
Bringing It All Together
Enmeshed
Isolated
Connected
Alone
A Third Dimension

9. Triangles in the Congregation
What Is a Triangle?
Interlocking Triangles
How to Handle Triangles by Repositioning
Triangles and Leadership in the Church

10. Signs of Serious Problems in a Church
Symptoms of a Church in Difficulty
Over- and Underfunctioning
Projection to a Third Party
Impairment within Key Leaders

11. Birth Order and Leadership Style
Birth Order Theory
Oldest Children
Youngest Children
Middle Children
The Only Child
Twins
The Bible and Sibling Issues in the Church

12. Assessing Your Congregation's Emotional System
Introduction to Assessment
When Assessment Is Needed and How It Helps
Goals and Procedures for Assessment
The Assessment Questions

13. Becoming a Better Leader
The Less Anxious Presence
Self-Differentiation
Preparing for the Reaction
Conclusion